The Light We Become: A Love Letter From a 55-Year-Old Woman to Every Midlife Woman

I’m almost 55 now.

I’ve worked a full-time job that asked a lot of my body, my brain, and my heart. I’ve done the lunches, the late-night worry spirals, the meetings that should’ve been emails, the “everyone needs something from me” seasons, and the quiet moments where I wondered if I was doing any of it well. I’ve been a darn good aunt and an amazing wife, sister and friend.

And here’s what I know with a steadiness I didn’t have at 40:

Midlife women are the inspiration for their families.

Not because we’re perfect, because we’re practiced. Because we’ve lived long enough to learn what matters, and brave enough to keep showing up anyway.

When your children see you take care of yourself, they don’t just see self-care, they see permission.
When your spouse sees you pursue joy, they don’t just see a hobby, they see a woman choosing life.
When your friends watch you tell the truth, set boundaries, start something new, or rest without apologizing, you become a lighthouse.

I used to think inspiration came from grand speeches or dramatic reinventions, and now I think it often comes from the quieter courage of;

1. Making a hard decision with kindness

2. Letting go of what (and who) no longer fits

3. Asking for what I want without shame

4. Starting over without fanfare

5. Being warm and wise at the same time

   Generativity

There’s a word researchers use for this deep midlife calling to contribute: it’s termed, generativity. This is the urge to nurture, guide, mentor, and invest in what will outlast you.
It’s associated with well-being in midlife and later life, because it gives our experiences meaning and direction. (2017, PMC)

And oh, do we have experience!

We have survived hard chapters and still managed to laugh at the dinner table.
We have learned how to hold grief in one hand and gratitude in the other.
We have evolved, sometimes slowly, and sometimes all at once.

That’s why I want to say this clearly:

You have made a difference.

Even if your work was behind the scenes.
Even if your best moments weren’t photographed.
Even if no one threw you a party.

Your steadiness has calmed rooms.
Your listening has softened hearts.
Your presence has changed outcomes you’ll never fully see.

Purpose in Life

In fact, studies on purpose in life, or the sense that your life matters and you’re here for something meaningful, show it’s a cornerstone of healthy aging and is linked with better health outcomes and resilience. PMC (2022) and large cohort research has found that higher purpose is associated with lower mortality risk over time (2021 AJP Mon Online).

Purpose isn’t only found in careers. Purpose can live in:

• mentoring a younger neighbor

• being the emotional anchor for your family

• volunteering

• creating art

• building community

• finally learning to care for you

You’re Built for Purpose

You’re built for purpose.

You also bring something the world desperately needs right now: wisdom. Not the “I read one quote on the internet” kind. The earned kind. Research in adult development has explored how wisdom and well-being can grow over the lifespan, shaped by experiences and reflection (2018, Ardelt, Gerlach).

This is why you’re a natural mentor. You don’t just pass down traditions, you refine them. You challenge old systems and you offer new ones. You’re the bridge between “this is how it’s always been” and “this is how it could be.”

Family Influence

And let’s talk about family influence for a second—because this matters.

Grandparents and older family members increasingly play meaningful roles in children’s lives and well-being, shaping health and support across generations. Whether you’re parenting teens, launching young adults, loving grandbabies, or becoming the wise auntie every kid secretly trusts—your impact is real (2023, Sari).

So if you’re feeling the ache of aging (I get it), let me offer a reframe:

Aging doesn’t make you less relevant.
Aging makes you more resourced.
More discerning. More powerful. More you.

At Restoration Room, we believe midlife isn’t a fading, it is becoming. A season where you gather your stories like kindling and realize you’re still here to light things up!

So take up space, dear One.

Your life is not “past tense.”
You are still bringing it to the world—one brave, beautiful day at a time.

I love you, I love you, I love you! Nicole xo (Founder of Restoration Room).

References

1. Malone, J.C., Liu, S.R., Vaillant, G.E., Rentz, D.M., & Waldinger, R.J. (2015). Midlife Eriksonian Psychosocial Development: Setting the Stage for Late-Life Cognitive and Emotional Health.

   Homan, K.J., & Kong, J. (2019/2020). Generativity and Well-Being of Midlife and Aging Parents.

2. AshaRani, P.V., et al. (2022). Purpose in Life in Older Adults: A Systematic Review.

3. Shiba, K., et al. (2021/2022). Associations between purpose in life and mortality.

4. Sari, E., et al. (2023). The Role of Grandparents’ Influence in Grandchildren’s Wellbeing.

5. Ardelt, M., et al. (2018). Early and Midlife Predictors of Wisdom and Subjective Well-Being.